Open up the courts for the Media&Public2Hear&expose the corruption "Rudd the dud promised the world and gave us an atlas"

  all stories are different but have such similar happenings!!

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Talking about my life in short

 

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my life in short

Well here goes this is an edited version of my life story the reason why it is edited is simple because if I was to sit down and write the full version I would be here for years, and you wouldn’t get to read it till I was old an grey although I am working on the full version as an auto-biography as I speak.

Everything that will be in this Blog will be of true events, although some people may beg to differ to save face.

So here it is…

I am one of 7 siblings, I have 3 half sisters, 2 half brothers all with one father then there’s me and my younger brother who are my dads children I say dad loosely because he was an alcoholic and never really took time out for us, only to hit and hurl abuse at, he was never a real father.

My mum and dad lived together and were married until I was about 11yrs old and in that time we had a difficult life none of us where really happy by us I mean mum, me, my younger brother and my oldest and youngest half sisters, my other half brothers and sister all had special needs and lived in special needs accommodation and I’d never met them at that time.

My eldest half sister left home, had her first baby and married when she was 17-18, one less for my father to knock about. Sorry if that sounds blunt but it was true.

Anyway I visited my half sister and her husband during school holidays and at weekends, which I enjoyed, that was until her husband started being nasty to me, punishing me for silly little things, it was getting as bad as being at home with my father, so I stopped visiting and only went if mum was going to visit, then in 1991 when I was eleven and just in time for the school holidays my eldest half sister came with her now 3 children to ask me to stay for the school holidays she said her husband was sorry for the way he treated me and wanted me to come and stay with them again, and it was in that time that I was sexually abused by my half sisters husband (my brother in law) and threatened that if I spoke out about it no one would believe me over him and that he would really hurt me for opening my mouth.

I had no one to talk to, no one I knew who would help me, and I felt dirty, alone, helpless and scared.

mum left dad not long after and we moved from Barnsley to Leeds, and it was in that time that social services got involved with the family but even to them I was too scared to tell in case they didn’t believe me but they knew something was wrong with me because I didn’t say much, wouldn’t join in with activities when they came on home visits, I was missing a lot of my schooling all because of him.

Social services wanted me to talk to them and be examined by what they called a special doctor when I eventually went they discovered I was pregnant, but I was still too scared to speak out against my brother in law for fear of what he would do.

In fact I didn’t speak to anyone I just cried and cried I was so ashamed of what he’d done to me, I felt my life at that time couldn’t get any worse.

My brother in law for what ever reason decided to confess to my half sister that the baby I was carrying was his and would you believe it, she blamed me for everything, said it was all my fault, hit me, called me all the names under the sun, she didn’t even let me explain, I knew I’d done no wrong, I hadn’t asked for him to hurt me in this way, it wasn’t as if I was a street wise kid I knew very little about sex and babies not like kids today.

My brother in law was arrested and put into a bail hostel in December 1992 to await his trial.

Social services decided it was best for me and my younger brother to go into care and so in January 1993, I was taken from my mum and put with a foster family and it was then that I had time to think about a lot of things and came to realise that I couldn’t blame my unborn baby for how she was conceived, she needed me to be there for her and I now knew I wanted her she was my baby and on 1^st of February 1993 the day my daughter was born my heart was bursting with the love I felt from the first moment I saw her.

I saw my eldest half sister again when she came to visit me on my request to the hospital a few days after my daughter was born she told me she was 2 months pregnant with her fourth child to her husband, and the less said about what I thought of her at that time the better.

Her second daughter was born in September 1993.

My mum moved to Wales some months after we went into care but she kept in touch with us regularly.

My youngest half sister had her own life and we lost touch with her but we were never really close.

My daughter meant the world to me and I wanted the best for her, social services felt that I was too young at nearly 13 to care for her so they suggested she be placed for adoption I didn’t agree with them at first but in the end I knew it would be the best thing I could do for her, she wasn’t placed for adoption because I didn’t want or love her because I did, I loved and wanted her very much but because I wanted her to have the best start in life and at that time I couldn’t offer her that.

I receive photos of my daughter every year on her birthday so I can see how she is well cared for and loved very much but I still miss and love her with all my heart.

The police came to interview me before my brother in laws court date but I didn’t have to attend court in person he got 6 yrs in prison, it was in this interview that they told me that my brother in law was a convicted paedophile from back in the 70s, and that my half sister had already been told about this from him before they got married and had children.

Anyway I was in care for 4 yrs until I was 17 which is when I got my first flat in Seacroft and worked as a sales assistant the pay was bad but the job was ok.

I had my first relationship then but things didn’t work out towards the end of our 18 month relationship I fell pregnant but had a miscarriage, things had been difficult between us for month before that and we were always arguing, one week we’d be together the next we wouldn’t we wanted different things from a relationship. A very sort time after splitting from my first boyfriend I fell in love with the man who is my husband now, and who is also my ex boyfriends brother, I am not ashamed of our relationship and never have been but it was difficult at the time because of the short time between each relationship but things have sorted themselves out.

My husband and I lived in Wales not far from my mum and step dad for a short time which is where we got married we had been together 2 yrs by this time, we were both very happy together and decided to try for children which proved to be difficult and after 4 yrs of trying we went in for ivf treatment at st James hospital after we moved back to Leeds in 2003, a lot of people have to have several treatments before they are successful but we were lucky and it worked first time for us with the icsi programme which is slightly different to ivf itself.

In November 2004 with my husband by my side I gave birth to non identical twin girls it was one of the happiest days of our lives.

It wasn’t always easy looking after twins but we just got on with it and I’m pleased to say our girls are growing up and doing great we couldn’t be more proud they will be four this November and are spoilt rotten not just by us but also by both sets of grandparents, their aunts and uncles from my husbands side of the family, my younger brother and my nephew who they also call uncle.

As for myself and my husband things haven’t always been easy for us throughout our relationship more so especially this past year or so things have put a strain on our marriage with people demanding all our attention to help sort out their home life and us trying to help but getting no appreciation for it but being used when its convenient for their own gain instead of thinking how their actions would effect those who care about them, people interfering, others trying to drive a wedge between us by playing us off against each other, others bringing their problems into our lives instead of sorting them out for themselves and us being too stupid to say NO thinking we could help when the help they needed was from a professional, all I can say for these people is that they are selfish, spiteful, miserable people who are unhappy with their own life and cant stand to see other people happy, and I need not mention any names as those people know who they are but one things for sure as myself and my husband have said we don’t need nor want people like that in our lives and are going to concentrate on our family from now on those that deserve to be called our family.

Funny thing is since those un-named people are no longer in our lives we are getting along much better not just ourselves but with everyone else. Most of the time it felt as if we had no control over our lives and our relationship we had no time as a couple it was as if other people were trying to take over and we were allowing that to happen but we finally have our lives to ourselves to be a proper family and we now take time out as a couple. That’s the way we like our lives and want it to stay.

We have the house of our dreams which we have recently redecorated and are working on it together so that we get it looking the way we want it and the garden is being done up so the girls have somewhere nice to play with their many new toys.

We are getting our life back on track with each passing day and are having lots of laughs and good fun while doing so.

 AHHHHH CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT,IS THIS ABOUT THIS VIRTUAL LIFE CRAP OR WHAT???THE MIND BOGGLES LOL??????? 

Quote 2008

nuovo aspetto al mio zpà!!!ti piace??

Hosted by: Bimba_Divina Date and time: Monday, 11 August 2008 at 5:15 PM View this event on Windows Live

  From fallen angels site I thought this really says it all for kids in the middle of the wars of parents ...........

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IT TOUCHES US ALL

Uh, uh, some deep shit, uh, uh  Momma please stop cryin, I can't stand the sound  Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down  I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed  I told dad you didn't mean those nasty things you said  You fight about money, bout me and my brother  And this I come home to, this is my shelter  It ain't easy growin up in World War III  Never knowin what love could be, you'll see  I don't want love to destroy me like it has done my family  Can we work it out? Can we be a family?  I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything  Can we work it out? Can we be a family?  I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave  Daddy please stop yellin, I can't stand the sound Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around  My mama she loves you, no matter what she says its true  I know that she hurts you, but remember I love you, too  I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away  Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have no choice, no way  It ain't easy growin up in World War III  Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen  I don't want love to destroy me like it did my family  Can we work it out? Can we be a family?  I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything  Can we work it out? Can we be a family?  I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave  In our family portrait, we look pretty happy  Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes naturally  I don't wanna have to split the holidays  I don't want two addresses  I don't want a step-brother anyways  And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name  In our family portrait we look pretty happy  We look pretty normal, let's go back to that  In our family portrait we look pretty happy  Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally  In our family portrait we look pretty happy  (Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)  We look pretty normal, let's go back to that  (I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything)  In our family portrait we look pretty happy  (Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)  Let's play pretend act and like it comes so naturally  (I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave)  In our family portrait we look pretty happy  (Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)  We look pretty normal, let's go back to that  (I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave)  Daddy don't leave  Daddy don't leave  Daddy don't leave  Turn around please  Remember that the night you left you took my shining star?  Daddy don't leave  Daddy don't leave  Daddy don't leave  Don't leave us here alone  Mom will be nicer  I'll be so much better, I'll tell my brother  Oh, I won't spill the milk at dinner  I'll be so much better, I'll do everything right  I'll be your little girl forever I'll go to sleep at night  I'll go to sleep at night

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Feet of Dust

 

Dust upon your feet

many miles and lifetimes

you have walked

the lands of your birth

oh little one of the soil

and crossed the lands

of tradition and tribal lore

older than when

time began

you seek of that

from whence your soul

was born

 

 

In the dawn of your journey

I take you by the hand

a hand wizened

with the beauty

for which you seek

walk with me

oh little spirit of the soil

and share the splendour

of that which we own

behold the moonlight

upon your path

illuminating the dwellings

of the earth spirits soul

 

 

See the colours reflecting

in the moon spirits eyes

upon the stillness

of the quiet waters

hear the sounds

of the spirits

of the night

and look beyond

the brolgas flight

up to the spirits of the sky

twinkling in the beauty

of your smile

feel the soft tender kiss

of the wind spirit

upon your lips

 

 

Come closer little one

of the soil

and heed these words

I trust

to your little soul

and on your journey

through this life

keep these words

upon your heart

what lies beneath

the heavens and skies

belongs to all

and you and I

 

 

I take my leave

oh little one of the soil

for we must part

look for the elder

that you seek

for she will take you

by the hand

and show to you

your birthright

and your land

 

 The picture is a still taken from

the Australian movie Rabbit Proof Fence

 

 

 

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Feeling safe as I delve into the past
I had my second visit with the psychologist today, and I think it was very successful with me being so open and honest ... touching on the effect in which that gross monster Capt Smith has on my life even today. If you are easily upset .. I'd recommend you don't read on any further. If you do read on ... I welcome the warmth and support you bring ...

I almost broke down when I relived when he threw me into the food slop garbage bin just like the trash he told me I was. I realise that he can't hurt me now, but some of the fears I have now stem right back to his torment and abuse.

I am brutally scared of the dark ... I have to leave a light on in the hallway or bathroom all night. I make the excuse that it has to be on in case Nath or I get up in the middle of the night, that we can see. I know the real reason tho and I am still afraid of that.

I cannot have my bedroom door totally closed .. it has to be open, if only a little, so I can see I am not locked in, and a little light can stream in. This stems back to when I was pulled out of the bin and thrown into the cold dark boiler room, with the spider webs, insects and the darkness.

Another horrible phobia is of cobwebs ... if I walk into one, I become instantly terrified and try to get all the web off me. I am slso deeply terrified of having a plastic spider or anything like that put on me ... people have joked about this in the past, and think its funny to throw one on me .. I however become extremely anxious and hysterical from it being on me.

I also cannot cope with being held down, even if it is a play wrestle ... I am ok for a few seconds then become instantly afraid and over anxious, and at times, reduced to a tearful mess.

This monster of a man didn't sexually abuse me ... quite frankly I think that was only because I was a girl, not a boy ... he liked young boys ... using them as his puppets ... pitting boys against boys, and boys against girls and vice versa ... for what reason???? None other than for his own gratification.

I applaud the brave ones who brought him to justice, finally speaking out and sending him to prison for 15 years on some 70 something charges. He served 9 of the 15 years ... then out on parole ... and moved from WA to Victoria ... living near schools and a park .. places where innocent kids were right there. The public in Victoria put up a huge stink, and I don't blame them ... if I knew of it earlier, I would have been right up in the front row, calling for him to go back to prison and serve his time, rotting away.

He eventually was sent back to prison ... this is when I wrote him the letter, which is in my blog in my journal extracts ... only to find out he had died a couple of months earlier, whilst imprisoned.

I was so afraid and angry and gutted that I didn't get my justice ... but realise now that Karmic Law .. Universal Law is far greater than any law here on earth. This is where I stand and be counted as one of the brave ones standing up to this monster .. dooming him to hell forever more. I don't mean Hell as opposite to Heaven .. I mean doomed to the Hell for all eternity that he created for us and through his own actions. With this law, there is no respite, no parole .. it is for eternity.

I sit here tonight with the spirit of all those who didn't make it in this life, that what they went through was so so great, that they ended their lives at a very young age. It gives me strength and confidence and courage to now speak out on their behalf and more.

What I really want to say tonight as a tear rolls down my cheek ... You threw me out in the trash, like the piece of garbage you made me feel for back then and many years afterwards ... now I sit here, the boot is on the other foot now ... and I shout proudly and with much courage ... Doomed to your own Hell from this moment and every moment from here on end.

I am winning this battle .... why am I winning? ... because the good side wins out in the end .. and as it should too .... if anything good can come out of such torment and tragedy ... it is knowing you didn't destroy me ... I now am fighting back with more strength and support that I didn't even know was in me. And I am so bloody proud of that.

Three cheers for me .. and three cheers for all the others who lost their innocence at the monster's hands .... God it feels good to be in control and winning in leaps and bounds ... to never be silenced ever again.

I am taking special gentle care of me ... lots a love H xo